I know I haven't paid much attention to you, Its been a rough time in this cruel adult world. I had to protect us and make sure you were OK. I must tell you little one I am not OK despite my victories. I did not cry, hurt, or give up, I took my emotions and told them they weren't welcomed. I did not know they were you trying to remind me you were still there. I know I dismissed you but you still were not strong enough to understand this life. I forget you are there sometimes and don't see how much you are hurting since i have leaned how to survive and ignoring you was the only way i could.
no one taught you how to deal with disappointments, tragedies, and loss. I left you because one of us had to keep going, you were innocent and full of life. I had to protect your innocence so i left you temporarily and fought these battles on my own. I am now breaking without you since you are still a part of me. I am forgetting who I am and I need you to forgive me for not taking responsibility for you. Your true innocence is who I am. I am scared to have someone hurt you and change your beauty that I hold on to for dear life. I forget we are the same. Each day I see your strength fight its way through this broken women and touch the lives of others with your warm force. You are just as strong as me little one if not stronger. I am sorry for trying to shelter you, for I am the one that needs you to shelter me now. I prepared your walls and titanium is what I have built for you. I am surrendering my control to you, for now i know you will always be protected. Its time for you to take the front line and finally show the world who you really are. I am sorry it took this long but understand, you were left behind and i had to fix the mistakes of others in order for you to never lose your beauty. Don't be scared little one you have always been a fighter even when I tried to protect you. Fill this world with your beauty, it desperately needs it and so do I. Show them what you have shown me, spread your love, for this world desperately needs it. I will be here watching you change this world like it was intended. You understand now what your purpose is and I cant wait to see your greatness break free.
To whom it may concern,
Thank you for being a part of my journey, if only you were around to see me now. I might have been able to show you the lessons you have taught me & the product of your actions. I'm not the girl you thought I was and my actions were based on my confusion of myself. A chance was all I needed to find myself but you chose to give up on me. Its OK, I eventually got it right even though I hit some dead ends along the way. Because of you I had
no choice but to find the strength within me to survive, What a tough cookie I am, let me tell you. I do not fault you, in fact I am grateful for you have unleashed the strength of a fighter. I now understand that you were not strong enough to share my journey & only hope you are surviving despite your weaknesses. You did not break me even though you might have misinterpreted my confusion for weakness. Your presence is not forgotten nor is it missed, It will be kept alive through my story of survival. Your contribution to the making of this beast is gratefully appreciated.
Love,
your Unmotivated, Lazy, Weird, Loser, Evelyn
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