Trying to understand the struggles of others, is a silly attempt to trying to understand life

We all, at some point in our lives have experienced some type of "bad" experience that has affected us in one way or another. Some experiences are worse then others, but it doesn't take away from the fact that it affects us all in different ways. Many people wonder why some of us go through rougher times then others and that question seems to always be asked when a "good" person experiences rougher times then others. The answer to such a mystery is really no mystery at all. Life does not pick and choose who will get the losing hand of the deck, it simply deals you your hand and whatever way you choose to play your hand is totally up to you. We dig and dig for explanations to questions that simply have none. Its a waste of time to consume your energy on WHY you got dealt a crappy hand instead of HOW your going to play the hand you were dealt.  sometimes you put on a poker face and make due of your hand and see how far it can get you and sometimes your wise enough to fold and sit this one out until next round, either way you make due. Life is no different, there is no changing what

Love is simply Love!!!!

We all have experienced a breakup. Some have been worse then others. Love is not like the movies. Love is not fairytales and happy endings. Hang in there its not all negative. I say that love is not like the movies because it really isn't, we forget that love is a universal feeling. Its a feeling of closeness and a connection to another human being. Its a beautiful thing to love, Infact it is so beautiful that we love more then just people. We love food, animals, clothes, music and so on. OH admit how many times have you associated love with penne ala vodka or a pair of jimmy choos. My point is Love comes in many forms but is still Love. At some point we have attached the beauty of love with expectations, Limits, Desires, and self interest. Like all of my theories love is no different. we do not have control of such a powerful neutral response. Its simple, WE LOVE. its not suppose to be perfect or a man made love story. Love doesn't have titles or endings. It just simply loves. Have you ever had an ex that for some reason even after the breakup you still loved the person? ever asked why? well here is goes, Love doesn't know ending or disappointment because it never expects. It loves because that's its purpose. We have tried to control this power in us because imagine a world where we let love simply be love? Man what a world that would be. To love everyone as an individual and accept who they are without any pressure to be who we want them to be. I get amazed at the people who loose them self at the sight of love. Who forget who they are to please someone else. Would you call that love? I call that escape, the two can be very similar yet totally different. True love has no motive, no intentions but to be just what it is . Heres an example, think about the people in your life who have been there no matter what life has dealt you. The one who stood by your side when the world was guiding in you in a different path then the one accepted by society. Those people seem to be the ones who stand out right ? Well thats the purpose of love. Obviously we connect with people on a more intimate level that make our feelings different but do we love them differently? I would say no. Intimacy has its own set of emotions that are associated with love but are not love. I try not to laugh but i'm allowed because I have been one of these people, but i get a kick when people say " how could he do this to me after all i have done for him"?. Well heres the thing unless a gun was pointed at you, no one forced you to do what you wanted to do. If the outcome does not go your way its your problem not theirs. Since when did love owe you anything? since when did we come up with the idea that if you do something for someone they automatically must be cold hearted because they didn't give you what you wanted? Do not take the power of an individual away because they decided to follow a different path then yours. Have you ever wondered why after a break up we are so devastated yet somehow with time move on and love again? Its simple so prepare yourself, Devastation comes from an expectation not being fulfilled and met. Devastation does not come from love, actually it has nothing to do with love. So once we finally get over it we move on why ? because love has no ending or expectations.

Lets get interesting now. We live in very different times and man have they become complicated. with the opportunities out there humans cant help but want to explore the possibilities. Marriage is far from the old days when forever really meant forever. now i'm not saying we should not hope to find such a beautiful thing but take some things in consideration like the simplicty our grandparents got to live. The only thing exciting was coming home to the one thing that was always exciting and not always in a good way but hey something is better then nothing right ? now look at today and how much we have expanded and grown from that time period, look at how much more we are able to accomplish today. Should we fault a person for wanting to do what is in there nature to do. To explore a beautiful world that was given to us to do just that. Heres another question, have we ruined the power of love because we have not adjusted to new times? We have had this idea planted in us that love should be a certain way and yes at the time it was a great idea because it worked then. Today we cant expect that concept to work. Here is where people get confused, As much as love is beautiful it should not restrain a person to a certain expectation. It should not limit there life because they chose to share there life with yours. Relationships today should be more flexible to allow a person to be who they are. It should allow change and growth . Love has no ending so it keeps going and we are left behind. I am a hard working woman who loves her independence. Am i not lovable because i rather work towards my dreams then stay at home and deal with brats, I mean kids. Am I not lovable because i'm not what you pictured a wife to be ? Should i instead become who you want me to be because thats what LOVE is ? So sorry but unless you want a nagging wife all day I suggest you let me be me just as I am. 

We don't owe anyone anything and neither do they owe us. if it doesn't work out then hey , it was fun while it lasted. And if it does it means you didn't have to compromise who you were. There weren't any motives or intentions behind the relationship it simply was and let you simply be you. Obviously respect needs to be a great part in a relationship and i'm not saying we shouldn't change the bad things about us in order to have a healthy relationship, but you deserve to explore whatever paths you like as much as your partner in life, thats why they are a partner not a hostage. (cheating is not a path to explore just to clarify any misinterpretations) If relationships adapted to new times and based love on love we would not have the need to attach our own disappointments to another person. We love whether we agree or not. We love because its simple. Don't mix love with expectations. It only ruins the beauty of loving someone for who they are. If they don't stay after a 5 course meal and a night of some hanging off a chandelier honkey honkey then maybe they just weren't meant for you. Embrace who you are and be confident enough to allow someone to be who they are. If you base your relationship on the simplicity of love then maybe forever can still be forever ! 

Girl Talk Therapy.... Available NOW!!!!!

www.coachtoloveandfreedom.com

A Life Coach that "Gets It"

Times have changed and i get that, I work hard, love hard , and struggle "hard" but when i had my ahaa moment, I found the strength to act on it and view life the way i should have, and not the way i felt. I will guide you to your own ahaa moments and help you turn those moments into goals, emotional freedom, and the power to Live, and let Live. My guide comes from my pain, loss, abandonment, struggles, fears, devastations, and also my love, achievements, gains, strengths, and understanding! I was able to live! Its time for you to LIVE!

 

People have managed just fine in the past without a life coach. So in one sense, noone really needs a life coach, but many people want one! One of the reasons there is a growing demand for life coaching is the complexity of modern day life. Things aren't as simple as they were in the past. And, whereas your parents might have been happy to have a job that paid the bills, most people today want a job that is personally fulfilling and financially rewarding. They want to find love in a world so complicated, where love is selfish,They give there all and then they blame themselves as if they are to blame that it didnt work out. Are you doing what you most enjoy? Are you tolerating or putting up with anything? Is life easy or are you struggling? Are you on the path to independence? Do you have what you really want? Most people can expect a lot more out of their lives.Life coaches have experienced these same situations, some have learned by themselves that it really was not that bad, Some also wish they had a life coach during those moments because life would have been much more easier!.... okay maybe its just me..... Life is not simple until your able to completely let go.

 

 

For more information please visit my website www.coachtoloveandfreedom.com I promise to deliver a coach that will help guide you to the life you always wanted. Everyone is different & thats what makes my techniques so unique and effective. I personalize each guide based on YOUR personality and goals!

Evelyn Martinez
Life coach
coachtoloveandfreedom@gmail.com

coachtoloveandfreedom.com

Curiosity, Gift or a curse?

A gift or a curse?

Since I can remember, I have always been very different then many. I was always trying to figure out the world and understand everything that was going on around me. I loved so innocently my whole life, no matter how hurt I felt. I felt more for others then I did for myself . In my younger years I never really thought anything of it , to me it was normal to feel close to everyone I came in contact with. I wouldn’t know you from a hole in the wall but if you wanted to play, we were best friends. It seems that I have carried that over into adulthood as well. Everyone has something to share and I love learning about them.

Life teaches people to become harder and jaded in order to protect themselves from pain. Society teaches people to only accept people who are acceptable. I have to say that those life lessons never really stuck with me, if anything they were just too much work. Of course I have had heart break and disappointments but it never discouraged me. Many people would call it vulnerable or weak but I have to tell you there is nothing weak over here giggles. What I’m trying to say is those feelings have never stuck around enough to effect who I was. I loved being kind and fun. I love the idea of love and caring. Those feelings are natural and easy in a sense. Anger, fear, and resentment were never appealing to me and drained me just thinking about them. Trust me as nice and sweet as all this sounds, it was nowhere near easy going through teenage years with rainbows and unicorns. I experienced the rejection from kids who were probably a lot meaner than adults are. I was teased and picked on my whole life. I never understood what was wrong with me, I just wanted to be everyone’s friends and yea that wasn’t at all what I was accomplishing. For some time I felt very lost, I knew I didn’t deserve to be the outcast but I just didn’t understand why. I never really hated those kids to be honest. I wanted to understand them. I think that was more my curiosity then my caring nature. I was less interested in the fact that I was being teased but more interested in why. Well since that wasn’t going to be a question I found an answer too at that moment, I did the only other I could do and started to internalize. It was constant questions about myself over and over. If I couldn’t figure them out, I was going to figure me out. Someone had to suffer the curiosity I had, Unfortunalty that someone was me.

I was one lost puppy in this world and after years of constant rejection and never fitting in, made my compassion grow more. I know doesn’t really make sense until I did what I always do and started getting curious so digging I went. I came up with the theory that because it was already in my nature to feel for people, the internalizing period of constant beating myself up made me realize how much pain a human can suffer and I didn’t want anyone to have to feel that. I went through physical and verbal child abuse until the age of 11. It never really made me angry as most child abuse kids would be. I felt sadness, can’t really say it was sadness for myself in fact Sadness was never really about me , It was always more of a compassionate sadness if I had to describe it but never really about me.

I seemed to always be this way. Even though, I didn’t have a mother and I was taken away from my father due to abuse, I never felt bad about it. My grandfather was my only guidance and he was one old school Colombian man. There was nothing womanly or nurturing about him, so that part was non existing, but I always knew he loved me even if it wasn’t in your traditional loving way. He always showed his love in his own way, even though I could not see it at the moment, I always felt It. He didn’t say I love you or hugged much for that matter but somehow I knew. Knowing is still different from understanding especially when I would see how parents were with other kids. It was a very frustrating feeling , not that I wanted the same as the kids around me, but more of a fustration of knowing he loved me, but not understanding why he didn’t show it like all the other parents did. It wasn’t until my adult years that I understood he was showing me love the only way he knew how. His love was just as strong as the love of the parents that hugged and said I love you to their kids. It became priceless knowing that, he didn’t need to show his affection physically in order for me to feel it. He always knew I was different and didn’t worry as much about me as he did for my sister. Of course a little jealousy was felt but my sister needed it a lot more than I did. She experienced a lot of abuse and rejection as well and it affected her a lot more than it did me. It wasn’t that he had a favorite, that old man knew that I was going to be just fine .

I viewed everything around me as a teacher. Music, TV, people, kids, animals, and so on was all my teachers. Maybe it was not having that one person that you look for when you need guidance, as sad as that might sound, it really wasn’t. I was able to look for guidance from everything and everyone. I was able to choose what I wanted to take from each experience because it worked for me. I think that is a gift in a way. I never had anyone there to guide me but I was able to find exactly what Evelyn wanted at a very young age. I struggled and questioned a lot sooner than others but it has made being an adult so much easier. If you ask me adulthood sucks wayyyy more than childhood so I’m not complaining.

So is it a gift or a curse? Well I guess it depends on how you look at it or how I feel that day. I say a gift that was wrapped in barb wire and sand paper but once opened contained the beauty of life. The true beauty in this world, which many can’t see because of barb wires and sand paper. Why a curse? A curse because as beautiful and simple as I see the world, its hard understanding exactly how to use it. So I guess that’s my next adventure to satisfy my curiosity , I know I was given something beautiful but how do I understand it well enough to know exactly what I am supposed to do with it ?

Survival personality may not always be effective

Have you ever had to always depend on yourself to survive? Have you succeeded in life because rough times were not an excuse to give in? If yes, congratulations for being a bad ass. Life can give you enough storms to break down a house. Many people focus on the broken houses instead of the ones still standing. It’s our nature to help those who are broken but what about the one’s still standing? Have you ever stopped and checked on the ones that look ok? Many have not because if it seems ok, then it must be, right? Wrong! I have experienced many people who always keep it together and appear to be ok. From my personal experience I can say that sometimes the strongest people are the ones who break down the hardest. It’s admirable to be strong when the world would have expected you to fall, but its unhealthy when you forget that you still need to fix the damage that has been done. Many of us learn survival mode is the only way because it has made us get through things that many can’t. What we fail to realize is that the damage only gets worse if it is not repaired, causing us to shatter when we reach our limit. I have been on such survival mode that I kept missing my path because it wasn't the path that was secure enough for me. It eventually led me to a dead end and self-destruction. I realized how important it is to learn how to control my survival instinct. I embrace being a survivor but I also embrace being human. Dependence of survival takes away the path of living.

Little messages we miss

Would this have ment something to you ?

A couple days ago I was sitting at the little cafe in barnes and nobel. I have been under a little stress these couple days so I seemed to be in my own little world. I was on my laptop and very focused on my research. I see an old man start walking towards me. He comes up to me and says "excuse me miss I need your help". Ofcourse I said, absolutley what can I do for him. He hands me 2 birthday cards and says "I need help picking out which birthday card is the best one to get for my daughter, can you please read them both as if you were my daughter and tell me which one you would like a father to give you. At this point everyone was staring at us but I was honered in a way and didn't care who looked. I read both cards and chose the card I liked the best. The old man was so happy and we chatted for a minute. He left with a smile on his face and before he left he said "you have something that many people don't". I went back to my work shortly after. At the moment I did not realize what had happen but as the day went on I found myself thinking about that moment when I started feeling stressed. He will never know what he did for me but for the first time i felt a very warm feeling of love from a father. It wasn't ment for me but it was something I needed at that time. For many it probably wouldn't have ment much but that moment is one that I will always hold dear to my heart. Sometimes we forget to open our eyes to the little things and we miss the little messages that are sent to us.

Emotional Jouney

Time and time again i found myself constantly asking myself why? Why is this happening to me or why did this happen to me ? I never understood that i was asking the wrong questions my whole life. Everyone seemed to always have all the answers except me. I was always told to move on and get over it, but even though that helped for the moment it seemed to only make me questions things more. I came from a very traumatizing childhood, Mom passed away when i was one from drugs and alcohol and my stepfather was physically and emotionally abusive. There are many of us out there with a story tell. But for me, it was a hard realization that I was the only one that could change my future. I know easier said then done ! and it seemed that I knew I was able to change how emotionally effected i was by my childhood but I just didnt know how, even if they painted a picture for me , emotionally i just couldn't budge. Its like a part of me just didn't know how and I'm pretty sure many people feel this way. How do I love myself ? How do i forgive ? How do I enjoy my life ? Well for me the answer began when I changed my questions. Instead of "why is this happening to me"? I started asking "what am I doing to continue to let this happen''? instead of ''How do i love myself''?
I started asking "what about me don't i love" ? When i started changing the way I viewed my situation I felt hope. I had to hit rock bottom to be able to start my emotional healing journey but it doesn't have to lead up to so much devastation. I know how hard it is to have to tell yourself that everything you have been doing your whole life to cope is wrong, because you have known nothing else and noone has ever shown you different. But from experience i can assure you that the moment you take the first step to change the way you see yourself, no matter how hard it may seem , I promise you that it is such a liberating feeling. Whatever someone else failed to do for you , you just did it for yourself. Its a journey that may seem long and difficult but i promise you its not. I myself am still on that journey and believe that we all need someone who can understand how we feel at the moment because anyone can just tell you how to move on but unless you have lived it you cant truly understand the emotions we face on a daily basis.

Learn from everything around you. Humans are only part of the puzzle. We can only learn so much if we limit ourselves. Look around you and embrace eachday as a new chance to learn. Learn from the trees, they can't speak but look how year after year they adapt to change. They are beautiful and full of leaves however, they become stripped from there beauty every winter. Somehow they still stand strong and tall and wait patiently for their time to blossom again. Everything around us has a story to tell. Sometimes we just have to adjust our listening skills.

Evelyn Martinez
Life coach