Time and time again i found myself constantly asking myself why? Why is this happening to me or why did this happen to me ? I never understood that i was asking the wrong questions my whole life. Everyone seemed to always have all the answers except me. I was always told to move on and get over it, but even though that helped for the moment it seemed to only make me questions things more. I came from a very traumatizing childhood, Mom passed away when i was one from drugs and alcohol and my stepfather was physically and emotionally abusive. There are many of us out there with a story tell. But for me, it was a hard realization that I was the only one that could change my future. I know easier said then done ! and it seemed that I knew I was able to change how emotionally effected i was by my childhood but I just didnt know how, even if they painted a picture for me , emotionally i just couldn't budge. Its like a part of me just didn't know how and I'm pretty sure many people feel this way. How do I love myself ? How do i forgive ? How do I enjoy my life ? Well for me the answer began when I changed my questions. Instead of "why is this happening to me"? I started asking "what am I doing to continue to let this happen''? instead of ''How do i love myself''?
I started asking "what about me don't i love" ? When i started changing the way I viewed my situation I felt hope. I had to hit rock bottom to be able to start my emotional healing journey but it doesn't have to lead up to so much devastation. I know how hard it is to have to tell yourself that everything you have been doing your whole life to cope is wrong, because you have known nothing else and noone has ever shown you different. But from experience i can assure you that the moment you take the first step to change the way you see yourself, no matter how hard it may seem , I promise you that it is such a liberating feeling. Whatever someone else failed to do for you , you just did it for yourself. Its a journey that may seem long and difficult but i promise you its not. I myself am still on that journey and believe that we all need someone who can understand how we feel at the moment because anyone can just tell you how to move on but unless you have lived it you cant truly understand the emotions we face on a daily basis.
I started asking "what about me don't i love" ? When i started changing the way I viewed my situation I felt hope. I had to hit rock bottom to be able to start my emotional healing journey but it doesn't have to lead up to so much devastation. I know how hard it is to have to tell yourself that everything you have been doing your whole life to cope is wrong, because you have known nothing else and noone has ever shown you different. But from experience i can assure you that the moment you take the first step to change the way you see yourself, no matter how hard it may seem , I promise you that it is such a liberating feeling. Whatever someone else failed to do for you , you just did it for yourself. Its a journey that may seem long and difficult but i promise you its not. I myself am still on that journey and believe that we all need someone who can understand how we feel at the moment because anyone can just tell you how to move on but unless you have lived it you cant truly understand the emotions we face on a daily basis.
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