Its easy to blame others for things they did not do or could have done better. Many of us who grew up in unstable homes or abusive ones, suffer a lot of damage that follows us into our adult years. We are confused and angry leaving us in a destructive circle. Some of us blame others and live life wondering what if, and searching for what was taken away from us while others, Act like they are fine allowing their relationships in life to effect them without knowing why. Whether you have been throwing a pity party or living with ignorance, the circle still keeps us trapped in confusion. We have good days and then we have really bad days. The world misinterprets us and we shelter ourselves even more, when the only thing we are doing is not allowing ourselves to live freely.
The pain we feel from our prior experinces can be to much to handle. Self compassion is the only thing that can break us from whatever is holding us back not self pity. The difference is self compassion is understanding what was taken away from us or not nurtured in our developmental years. Self pity does this but keeps us feeling bad and trapped. Self compassion allows us to understand them and take back responsibility from those who were responsible but failed in their role. Its to acknowledge this without placing blame. We do not know why they failed their responisibilities and to try and figure it out leads to dissapointment. Its not our place to worry about others actions even if we are just trying to look for closure. The reality is sometimes they do not even know themselves the answers to these questions. Searching for what we missed out in others, not only puts pressure on people who enter our lives but keeps us feeling empty inside. The emptiness is not what we are missing its a feeling of not knowing who we are and trying to find it in others.
At the end of the day we can only hold responsible our actions since its the only ones we have control over. When you release trying to hold others to their mistakes it let us take back our life and the possibilities are endless. At that point you become your own parent, teacher, and friend. You have the power to continue your life the way you want it. Even when abandonment or trauma have been part of your story, you still can get through that and live the way you deserve. The world is not responsible for what has happened to us and will not understand us. It will give us the beauty it has to offer only, whether we choose to live and enjoy it is on us.
Evelyn Martinez
Life Coach
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